The World Is Against Me
by ArtOfHowWeGrieve
Summary: Basically, Bakura cannot have a moment's peace. Especially when it comes to his personal business not like that, you hentais! What is Bakura trying to hide? Will he get away with it?


Disclaimer: Not mine. Go ahead, rub it in.   
  
Author's note: Okay, aside from being sappy, I'm a very random person and I am proud to say that this is the second story that I wrote out of six that has not fluff whatsoever. Go me! I'm working on it. Hopefully, this came out as amusing as I wanted it to be. Tell me what you think, if anything. Much love.   
  
Oh, and the rating is for mild cursing.   
  
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Bakura stood outside the apartment that he shared with Ryou, Malik, Mariku, and Yami . He clutched a brown paper bag to his chest and made a horrid attempt to hide it under his jacket. It didn't work. After twisting the bag to get it smaller so it ended up molding the contents of the bag, he pressed it to his chest and wrapped his arms protectively around it. The yami pushed the door open. He walked through the living room and straight into his bedroom. Bakura made a bee-line to his mirror and took the paper bag out from under his jacket. That was when he glanced in the mirror and caught *his* hikari on *his* bed with *his* best friend Mariku. And they were not discussing the weather either.   
  
Bakura let out a shrill girlish scream before hiding the paper bag behind his back. The two hikaris' broke apart from their make-out session and fell off opposite sides of the bed. Both emerged and blinked at Bakura with unimpressed looks on their faces.   
  
"Damn it, Bakura no baka. I was *this* close to corrupting your hikari," Mariku said in frustration as he gazed at the silver-haired bishounen. Ryou's cheeks colored themselves a full-pledging red and Bakura could of sworn his hair stared tinging itself pink too.   
  
"Bakura-sama. I didn't mean to- I mean, Mariku is...well, see...the thing is..." Ryou trailed off. In the middle of looking sheepish, Ryou observed Bakura. He went immediately from blushing to vexed. "...Bakura. I'm really going to regret asking but um, what are you holding?"  
  
"I've...gottago," Bakura said slowly as he inched backward towards the door. In a flash of movement, Bakura was standing in the livingroom, bag in hands. "Now then," he said to nobody in particular as he spied another door. "Ah, Yami's room."  
  
Bakura's looked to the left. Bakura looked the right. Bakura launched himself into the spare bedroom. He sighed in relief and moved towards the dresser. He was slowly getting annoyed that everyone seemed so hellbent on bothering him. "Can't have a moment of peace...maybe this is what Ryou feels like when he's doing his homework and I'm practicing my Shakespear in the same room," Bakura mused. Yea, Shakespeare was a funny guy. Really! You just needed the correct props to bring out the humor. Nothing a chainsaw and a hammer couldn't fix.  
  
Bakura placed the bag on the dresser and carefully started opening it. With great caution, he reached his hand inside. "Finally!" he exclaimed as if the world owed him something.   
  
The creak of a door being opened froze Bakura's hand midway, just barely touching the object inside. Yami walked freely into his room only to stop short at the sight of Bakura.   
  
"What the effing christ IS it with you people?" Bakura roared as he pulled the bag closed and hid it behind his back once more. "Can a person get ANY peace?"  
  
"It's my room," Yami said stupidly.   
  
"Boo-fucking-hoo," Bakura responded as he made to leave. Yami blocked his path.  
  
"Bakura. For the safety of everyone in this apartment, screw that, in this building, what is that in your hand?"   
  
"Um. Yami...I...I love ya, man. Gottago." Bakura said as he ran out of the room and out of the building. "They can't possible find me out here," he thought as he neared a park.   
  
~~Ten Minutes Later~~  
  
"I was wrong," he said as he trudged dejectedly into the apartment and slammed the door. Ryou, Mariku, and Yami's heads poked out of their respective bedrooms and Bakura knew the interrogation was coming.   
  
Everything happened in slow motion. [Enter suspenseful music here]. Yami and the two hikaris' approached him deliberately and their mouths opened, leading Bakura to the conclusion that they would start speaking, asking him about the blasted bag. Still in slow motion, the sound of a doorknob turning caused all three to whip their heads towards said source of sound. "The bathroom," Bakura whispered in sudden revelation. Said ex-tomb-robber lunged for the door just as Malik was exiting. All the dazed Malik saw was a silver speck as he suddenly went from the interior of the bathroom to the exterior. There was a loud, dull crash as Yami and two hikaris' made their impact with a closed door. That was when the front door opened.   
  
Jounouchi strolled into the room and quirked an eyebrow, silently asking why Yami, Ryou, and Mariku were decorating the bathroom door. The three took a long moment to peel themselves off the solid, vertical object before turning to Jounouchi.   
  
"What's Bakura hiding?" was the first thing the blonde said. "I was...walking...in the park when I came across him."  
  
"He was chasing pigeons," Ryou said randomly in a tired voice, letting others know this happened before.   
  
"Shut up! Anyway, he was rocking back and forth while trying to reach into a bag. What's up?" Jounouchi asked. Yami sadly pointed toward the door.   
  
"Knowing Bakura, it could be anything from last month's dinner to a self-made bomb that he's itching to try out."  
  
The crumpling of paper could be heard and the four boys aligned themselves in front of it, waiting for the command to charge.   
  
Bakura's eye twitched as he quickly grabbed the contents out of the bag and set them onto the counter around the sink. He hastily opened the contents and his hand was halfway to his right eye when something cannoned into the locked door and said door transformed itself into a convenient moat. The five concerned teenagers (except for two teenagers, who were, in fact, legally dead) halted in shock.   
  
"Yami?" Ryou questioned his dark side. "Are those...contact lenses?"  
  
"Okay! Okay! I admit!" Bakura wailed. "My eye color isn't naturally red!" The ex-tomb-robber burst into tears. "But anyone can dream! Anyone can dream, dammit!"  
  
Jou, Yami, Ryou, Malik, and Mariku sat in a straight line on the couch, blinking owlishly at nothing. Bakura could still be heard sobbing in the background at the unfairness of it all.   
  
"That was..." Ryou started.  
  
"...disturbing?" Yami finished. Everyone cringed as Bakura's mewling escalated into howls.   
  
"Oh yea. Very much so."  
  
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Lady Maeve: That was...different.  
  
Ryou: Maeve, hunny. You *do* realize that Bakura will kill you the second he reads it?  
  
Lade Maeve: Yup. ^_^. That's why I have a restraining order against him. I'm safe for the time being.  
  
Bakura: ::standing as close to Maeve as the order allows, which is not very close:: I'll kill her. She's dead. She's dead! She's been a walking corpse for the last two days. Walking corpse! ::shakes fist threateningly:: 


End file.
